THE GREATEST OF ALL HUMAN ACHIEVEMENTS

The GOAT in every sport makes it look easy: Barry Sanders, Calvin Johnson, Isiah Thomas, Gordie Howe, Steve Yzerman, Al Kaline, Miguel Cabrera, Joe Louis. (I swear I am not trolling my friends who root for the hapless Chicago teams. These are just facts.)

The 2024 Chippens Tournament Challenge was no exception. The Tourney GOAT seemed to barely register an effort above Ty Cobb hitting off a tee to breeze to the 2024 title.  

"Is this on the record?" he asked. "I don't want to make it sound like all my 114 competitors were like that kayaker swallowed up and spat out by a humpback whale, or as soft and helpless as Jordan against Laimbeer, but I've taken naps that were harder than that." 

His Excellency The Champion scored 175 points in taking the crown, the most of any player since 2019 and tied for 9th all time. He's now 2nd in lifetime average place, 3rd in lifetime total points, 7th in lifetime average points, 8th in average pick percentage, and tied for 1st in total top 10 and and top 20 finishes. Wow that was a long list. Just a second my fingers are tired from all that typing. 

Ok. Yeah, this guy is impressive. But his humble demeanor amidst all of his unparalleled success in the annals of human history is easily his most impressive quality. 

"I want to make sure my competitors know how grateful I am to them for giving me the opportunity to watch with bemusement as they scrabbled amongst themselves for second place, or what I call the first loser," he said, generously handing out credit despite it not being due at all in a show of pure class.  

"Winning is so easy (for me, at least) it becomes blasé. But it is still quite entertaining to watch the struggle of the little folks try to figure it out. 

"It's kind of like watching someone wearing boxing gloves try to stuff a big pillow in a little pillow case. If they even make a little progress you feel good for them. I mean, not a lot. But just a little flicker of acknowledgment that there are people out here for whom, like, 74th or 77nd or 82nd place is a cue for all the other seals to start barking and clapping. That's nice. You like to see that. 

"And, really, that's what winning is all about for me. Letting other people reach their much lesser potentials, especially in a game of pure skill, talent, and intelligence like this one. It's a joy!"   

Congratulations to State St. Propheteer, a Champion for the Ages! 

Other Notable Finishes:

• Congrats to Pam T. and Khalila M. for finishing 2nd and 3rd, respectively. It's the first time "in the prizes" for either veteran player. 

• Congrats to 117th-ranked player Maya C. for finishing in 12th place, 101 spots better than in 2023! 

• Marli P. finished right ahead of Maya in 11th place, following up a 5th place showing in 2022. She debuts on the All-Time Average Place list in 9th in her first year of eligibility. 

• Marli P. and Sarah N. also earn the "Overachiever Award"--the players in the top 20 with the lowest pick percentage. 

• The award for the biggest underachiever goes to former champ Matthew M. He's the only player above 60% pick percentage who didn't finish better than 90th place. 

• Only three players notched back-to-back top 20 efforts in 2023-2024: His Excellency The Champion (18th and 1st), Jake W. (2nd and 17th), and Adam L. (11th and 7th). 

• Austin S. played in his fifth tournament in 2024, making him eligible for the record books, and he took advantage with a 23rd place. His five tournaments span 18 years but he's picked his spots well, participating in high scoring years and he's now #1 in lifetime average points. 

• Second year player Ryan H. reversed his fortunes from 2023, quite literally. He finished 81st in his rookie campaign and 18th in 2024. 

• "Most Improved," however, goes to Sarah N., who jumped from 93rd in her first year to 8th in her second year. Honorable Mention to Amy W., who improved from 92nd to 20th.

• Abby W. is heading in the other direction. 8th in year one, 22nd in year two, and--yikes--96th in 2024. 

• Cotter regained the top spot in All-Time Average Place with a respectable 26th place finish. 

• Van M. is the charter member of the Ripe 'n Juicy Mango Club for finishing in a very impressive 6th place. This is something I just made up, but he will understand.